This Real Life
by PT Malvik
Summary: Ten years after her life in Lazytown, Stephanie thought that college was the only adventure left. But after an Rotten experiment gone bad, she finds out how wrong she could be.
1. Chapter 1

Title: This Real Life  
Pairing: Sportacus/Stephanie  
Genre: Semi-AU. Romance. Humor. Adventure. WiP  
Rating: Will turn mature, eventually.  
Summary: Ten years after her life in Lazytown, Stephanie thought that college was the only adventure left. But after an Rotten experiment gone bad, she finds out how wrong she could be.

* * *

Ten years after her life in Lazytown, one year into her freshman college year and Stephanie began to pine for a simpler life than one dominated by books, schedules and enough studying to make a robot cry. 

It was yet another Saturday night spent in the company of books, even as her dorm-mates mocked her for being such a nerd as they headed out to yet another great party. Maybe it came easily to them, but Stephanie fought for her first semester "A"s, fought for them hard and the work wasn't magically getting any easier. Her parents were far from rich and she was there on a scholarship, so the pressure to succeed was greater than theirs ... maybe greater than anything she'd ever known.

Still, she was lonely and it was Saturday night ...

Flipping her textbook closed, she slipped off the bed and pilfered through her clean clothes. There wasn't much to be had; she hadn't much to begin with and whatever she liked, she had the habit of wearing constantly. Sighing, she dug through the pink pile again, by now dotted with black pieces as well as some shiny silver bits and it took some work, but she pulled together a decent enought outfit, although not something she'd normally wear -- the low-cut black blouse showed off a bit more than she was used to showing was pulled over a flouncy pink skirt and the glittering hairclips ... kind of gaudy, but fun for a night out and besides, nothing coordinated everything like pink hair, tinged with black highlights.

More daring in looks than at heart, but tonight that might change, Stephanie thought, slinging her worn messenger bag over her shoulder, the one that doubled as everything from bookbag to suitcase to purse.

Flinging open the dorm room door, she was just about to race down the stairs when she bumped right into someone who was already standing there.

Shocked, Stephanie leaped back. "Oh, excuse me, I didn't know anyone was there. Are you ..." She paused. The person in the doorway looked very familiar and Stephanie's mouth dropped open to see Robbie Rotten, her old ineffectual nemesis from Lazytown, standing in front of her again, but much changed, and not for the better. "Oh my God, it's ... it's you." The sad figure looked up at her and a wave of pity overtook her. "Oh, Robbie, what's happened to you?"

His once shiny black hair had grayed terribly, in uneven streaks over his temples and forehead and his face ... she'd never seen anyone so worn-looking and prematurely aged, as though he'd been to hell and back. "Well, little girl, the day has finally come," he said, his voice hoarse. "The day I Robbie Rotten has come to ask for your help. And not even for myself."

"Not for yourself?" she asked warily, stepping aside to let him in. Leading him to one of the dorms comfy chairs, she shrugged off her bag and helped him sit. "For who then?"

He laughed and that, she thought, was the same. Somewhere between bitter and mournful, not like a laugh at all. "For, of all people, Sportakook." He sighed, as though it pained him to say it. "Oh, and everyone else in Lazytown, but who cares about them?"

Stephanie's mouth fell open. "Who cares about them? My uncle, Bessie ... my friends! Of course I care about them! What happened?"

"Well, you have a funny way of showing it, Pinky. Never coming to visit, but ... " He sighed and Stephanie remembered how infuriating he could be. "Anyway, that doesn't matter." He grabbed her hands. "What does matter is that you come back and try and help me figure a way out of this mess, because, much to my surprise, I realize that I really, _really_, don't like being alone. As much as I might claim to..."

Something inside Stephanie went cold with dread. "Alone? What are you talking about?"

Robbie sighed. "My throat is very dry. Perhaps if I had some soda to drink ..."

But Stephanie wasn't ten anymore and her current life had made her impatient, to say the least. She grabbed him by his striped vest, which was covered with what looked like dust. "Tell me what happened, Robbie and then, you get something to drink. That is, if I don't clock you one you first."

He blinked at her with a shocked expression. "I have to say, little girl, this life seems to have improved you."

"_Now_, Robbie."

"Oh, all right. It all started the day Sportakook ..."

"Sportacus," Stephanie interjected indignantly. "His name is Sportacus."

Robbie made a face. "Fine. Sporta_cus. _Whatever. It all started the day that I was performing a simple, tiny experiment that went wrong, through no reasons of my own, mind you ..."

Slowly, Stephanie sat down across from Robbie, and sighed heavily. "Oh, Robbie."

"When these very interesting people from out of town appeared, right out of nowhere in my liar, er, home, and I might have mentioned something to them about a ... oh, I dunno, a vague interest in making a certain blue elf disappear, you know, forever and that's when they rose up and not only made him go away, but everyone else, along with _everything _else." Robbie paused guiltily.

"Everything else?" She shook her head in confusion. "What do you mean ... everything else?"

He extended his hands and flailed them expansively. "The whole town! Everything, just like it was never there! Lazytown is gone!"

* * *

Stephanie hit the gas harder once they were out of the city limits. Robbie squirmed in the passenger seat of her car, wincing at nonexistent traffic violations and basically being a nuisance the entire trip. "Are you sure you have a license to drive this thing?" 

She viciously swerved onto the throughway exit, crossing over to a local interstate without so much as a glance in her mirrors. "Robbie, I swear to everything, if this is some garbage you made up for some stupid reason ... I'm going to throw you out and run you over. Repeatedly. I'm not ten anymore, damn it."

"I'm not making it up!" he protested vehemently. "I'm telling you, the entire town vanished in the blink of an eye, and the only reason I was left -- besides the world needing my genius and good looks -- is because I was below ground. The top half of my house was gone too. Vanished. Poof!"

"That's insane. Towns just don't go _poof_. Didn't Sportacus show up?"

Robbie glanced at her. "Well, you know, he hasn't been around all that much since the day you packed up and ran off all of a sudden."

Stephanie felt her face flush hotly. She was _not _going _there_, not with Robbie Rotten of all people. Of all the things she wanted to forget, that day was number one on the list, for a good reason.

"But he had been floating overhead in that ridiculous blimp of his, but even that's gone now." Robbie sniffed. "All that's left is me, which I'd thought would be a good thing -- nice and quiet and peaceful -- but it turns out to be quite the sad life without anyone to, you know, be a villian with. Besides, I figured you'd start blaming innocent little me for what happened."

"Robbie, I don't know what happened, but I'm pretty sure you _are _to blame. Somehow. Now where ... oh, here's the exit," she said, squinting up at the numbered post. "But where is the big welcome sign? You know, "Welcome To Lazytown, The Place Where You'll Want to Stay"?"

"I told you, every sign that there ever was a Lazytown is gone. Except for you and, of course, me."

"That's insane," Stephanie growled, looking around in consternation. All she could see for miles were green meadows and a few bushy areas scattered here and there on the roadside. "Okay, we must be lost," she said, but inside, her heart was sinking. There were very familiar natural landmarks coming up, that couldn't be mistaken for anything but those places she'd played daily on top of for years, but ... but everything else, her uncle's house, the town hall, the playground and her friends' houses ... they were gone.

All of them. "It's creepy, isn't it," Robbie whispered, pointing to a large tree in the distance, one that used to be ringed by a low stone fence, now surrounded by nothing. "See, there it is. The tree I used to tie you to."

Stephanie eased off the gas, letting the car roll to a stop. Her mouth dropped open. "Oh my God. It is. And there's what's left of your ... oh my god, Robbie, what happened?" Getting out of the car, she wandered, shocked, through the empty areas, holding her forehead. "This is impossible." She shook her head to clear it. "Okay, you said people showed up and that's when everything vanished. Who were they?"

Robbie squirmed uncomfortably in his seat. "Ah, well, uh ..."

"Robbie." Stephanie glared at him, hands on her hips. "What did you do?"

"I didn't do it!" he insisted, but after a few seconds, he sighed, his face falling. "All right, I might have stumbled across a certain book, that had, shall we say, certain powers, such as granting certain wishes and if you summoned the creators of the book, then you got your wish, but they didn't explain that they would make the entire place disappear and ..." He winced, as Stephanie's glower grew furiously hot in his direction. "All right, I made a mistake. But I've been trying to undo it, I swear! But nothing is working, so I figured that maybe it's because I used my wish and if I could get someone else to wish the town back again ..."

Stephanie sighed. This was the reason she's never told anyone about her old life in Lazytown. She was pretty sure no one would believe her. She was no longer sure this still wasn't all a dream and the barren landscape all laid out before her didn't help dispel the illusion, but no, her childhood playground was gone, along with her uncle and Bessie and friends and ...

Sportacus. She'd tried to keep him out of her mind since _that _day, with limited success, but even he was gone and this just wasn't right. Something had to be done to save her friends and if that idiot Robbie couldn't do it ... "All right," she said, climbing back into the car. She started it and made a beeline for what was left of Rotten's lair. "You're going to show me this book, show me exactly what you did and we'll take it from there. And, I swear to you, if this is some sort of trick ..."

"You'll run me over, yeah, yeah, yeah," Robbie said, waving her off. "I have to say, life in the big city has really not been good for your temperment." He leaned in smiling. "I can't tell you how happy that makes me."

"Shut up, Robbie."

"Heh, heh, heh."

* * *

Once they were below ground and settled in, Stephanie began to examine the huge book Robbie hauled over to his workbench, grunting and groaning beneath its oppressive size and weight. The cover was silver metallic and still covered in a thin layer of dust, even though Robbie's greedy hand prints were still readily visible. "This is amazing." she asked, awed at the thousands of pages of faded hand-written calligraphy. "Where did you find it?" 

"Well, you know, dig a little here, steal a little there ..." He coughed suddenly, as if he realized he'd said too much and then quickly turned to a well-worn page. "Here is the part you're interested in. Wish summoning."

She squinted at the faded lettering and read through a dozen pages quickly, her year of college cramming coming into good use. "This seems to be just a batch of silly rhymes. I can't believe this actually works."

"Oh, supposedly this book was owned by some very famous people who wished their way into history," Robbie exclaimed rapturously. "And me, of course."

She gave him a sour look. "I also can't believe you actually own this book, but whatever. Let's see if we can call your pals back and fix this mess," Determined, Stephanie rolled up her sleeves and started reading aloud.

_A wish is but a dream untold  
A heavenly thought that stars may guide  
So say aloud your fondest dream  
And let unfufilled desire stand aside_

She paused, waiting. Nothing and Robbie impatiently pointed to the next stanza. "Try this one."

_This is ridiculous_, she thought with an eye roll, but did as he said.

_Call to us, the Mages of the Night  
Let our powers put dreams within your sight  
But be careful how you choose to state your dream  
For what you say, is often not quite what you mean._

Yet another big dramatic moment of nothing and Stephanie was just about to shut the book in frustration, when in the corner of the room, she saw some papers start to ruffle, as if a wind were blowing them. That's odd, she thought, even odder when the papers lifted up and started to swirl, the wind picking up until she felt her hair flying and heard Robbie whimper in terror next to her.

"It's them," he hissed. "This is how it started the last time."

A bright glow suddenly filled the room, as if a bonfire had been lit and Stephanie was forced to shade her eyes against it, as Robbie dove beneath his workbench, teeth chattering. There were forms in robes, standing in the light, whether male or female, she couldn't tell through the glare, but she could make out their outlines and they looked human enough.

Sort of, except that their booming unified voices weren't quite human at all. "You have called upon The Mages. State your wish."

Stephanie blinked. Holy ... "Uh," she stammered, as Robbie tugged on her skirt.

"Be careful!" he warned. "Say it right or ..."

"I want to see my uncle again," she blurted out in a panic. "My uncle and Bessie and my friends and Sportacus! I want to see all of them again, right now."

The Mages glowed a bit more brightly. "As you wish," they intoned and the wind and light suddenly grew hot around Stephanie.

The blinding heat enveloped her completely, making her feel dizzy and light, forcing her to shut her eyes, while somewhere in the back of her head, she could hear Robbie howling in terror. "Oh, you silly girl! You did it all wrong! I warned you ..."

But she was far away then, flying somewhere and Stephanie wondered if this was what it was like to die. But she was still breathing, still thinking and when she found herself lying down on what felt like the coolest, softest blanket ever, she thought that if this was Heaven, it wasn't all that bad.

There was something tickling her cheek, and her eyelids and she struggled to sit up, her palms braced against what felt like grass. Opening her eyes, she saw that it was grass, with a blue sky overhead and Stephanie stared openmouthed at her surroundings, much lusher and more beautiful than even what was left of Lazytown.

Glades that went on for miles and in the distance, a castle, rising above the fields like a dream. From its hills there was a figure running toward her and Stephanie immediately recognized the familiar face. "Trixie?"

And it was Trixie, except this Trixie was not quite as Stephanie remembered her upon leaving; the rebellious teen with the pieced eyebrow and gothic happy face tattoo, the one that had driven her parents nearly to despair with her attitude. Her once spiky hair was now long and loose and she was wearing, of all things, a dress.

A full-length gown, made of some sort of incredibly rich material and she was gasping for air, grabbing Stephanie's arm, tugging her to her feet. "My lady," Trixie exclaimed. "How worried we were. Why have you been sleeping out here, in the dirt?"

Stephanie blinked at her. "What? Trixie, are you all right?"

"I'm very well, but come now, we must get you back to my lord. He is frantic with worry," Trixie said, pulling an unresisting Stephanie toward the castle. "He's preparing to send out knights to find you."

"I ... I ... think you've made a mistake," Stephanie stammered, stumbling after Trixie.

Trixie laughed that hoarse chuckle of hers and thank God, at least that was still the same. "I doubt that, my lady. It would be hard for me to mistake the king's wife, I think."

Now Stephanie stopped in her tracks. "The what???"

The gallop of horses could be heard at that moment and Stephanie's confusion only grew greater as three men on horseback thundered toward them, as Trixie waved them forward. "She's here and safe, my lords!"

The riders came to a dusty stop before them. Stephanie glanced from face to face, unable to speak. She knew them all, especially the tall, impossibly handsome man who leapt from his horse to take her hand in his and kiss it. "My dearest wife, what a fright you've given us. You must be more careful next time."

And it was these words that startled her into a little scream. Because there was no mistaking who her supposed "husband" in this strange world was.

It was Sportacus.

* * *

TBC ... 

Hee, that's fun to write. Anyway, reviews are appreciated, thanks.


	2. A New World

Title: This Real Life - Part 2/?  
Pairing: Sportacus/Stephanie  
Genre: Semi-AU. Romance. Humor. Adventure. WiP  
Rating: Will turn mature, eventually.  
Summary: Ten years after her life in Lazytown, Stephanie thought that college was the only adventure left. But after an Rotten experiment gone bad, she finds out how wrong she could be.

* * *

The next few hours seemed like a dream to Stephanie, as she was taken inside to an ornate room and made much of by Trixie and a plump, fussy Bessie, who was dressed just as strangely, in a full, ornate gown that made her look as if she'd stepped out of a painting. Placed carefully on a pillowed pallet, Stephanie stared in amazement at the high stone ceilings and stained glass windows, accepting an offered goblet with numb fingers.

A sip of hot sweet wine made her splutter and there was more fussing then, until Bessie threw everyone from the room, 'to let the dear child get some rest.'

"Bessie," Stephanie asked, when she finally got her head together enough to speak. "What's going on?"

"Shhh, you need to sleep now, dearest. You were very upset last night and goodness, spending it in the damp and cold outdoors, that couldn't be good," Bessie said as she fluffed a pillow behind Stephanie's head, covering her with a heavy blanket, all the way up to her shoulders.

"I was here last night?" Stephanie asked carefully, trying to navigate what was obviously either a brilliant illusion or a true magical world as gently as possible. Upsetting those who lived here wouldn't do any good and if there was another Stephanie, ruining her existence -- if she actually was real -- wouldn't help anything.

Bessie laughed. "Of course you were here. Where else would you be?" She sighed, settling down in a close chair, smoothing Stephanie's blanket with her hand. "If only those foolish men hadn't been going on and on about ... well, you know. But we won't talk about that here. Now won't you close your eyes, my dear? Just for a few minutes."

There was a noise at the door and two familiar faces peeked in. "Can we come in?"

Bessie rolled her eyes, but motioned them forward. "Only for a moment, sirs."

Stephanie's eyes widened as two young men tiptoed in, two young men she knew very well. One, tall and broad-shoulder, with the same messy blonde hair falling onto his forehead as she remembered from childhood, except now it framed an angled, handsome face while his dark-haired companion had changed relatively little, except now, dressed resplendently in black velvet, he looked more like a gentleman from Hamlet or Arthur's court than her old friend from Lazytown.

"Well, you gave us a fright," said Ziggy cheerfully, plopping down on the pallet's footrest. He was dressed in loose chainmail draped over a linen shirt and rough jerkin pants, tucked into hard boots. He looked like a knight at rest and Stephanie couldn't help but gape -- the Ziggy she remembered on the day she left Lazytown had just grown into his skateboarding togs. Pulling an apple from his pocket, Ziggy took a generous bite and jerked his thumb at the other young man. "Stilgar here nearly lost count of the day's coins."

"Very funny, Sigmund," said Stingy, for that's who he was, or at least, who Stephanie remembered him to be. He bowed to her with a flourish. "I hope you are well, your Highness. I was very worried."

Ziggy laughed heartily. "It's true. He was so distracted he nearly gave a penny to the poor during the search. I almost called the physician."

Stingy or Stilgar as he was now called, looked annoyed. "You can mock all you please, Sir Sigmund, but at least my job is an important one, unlike yours which consists of little more than galloping around on your horse, waving a stick about, trying to knock other idiots off their mounts."

Chewing his apple and smiling, Ziggy raised an eyebrow at him. "Perhaps Sir Stilgar would like to trade places for a day? I'll give you the horse and the stick and I'll count his Highness's gold instead. Hmmm?"

Stilgar scowled at him. "I would but we have more than five pieces in stock. I'm not sure you can count higher than that."

Now it was Ziggy's turn to look annoyed. "Hey!"

They began to argue in earnest and Stephanie watched this exchange in a state of absolute shock. They were the same boys she knew, and yet, they were completely different and obviously had no memory of their former lives. This has to be a dream, she thought. A dream or some sort of joke, but it was far too elaborate for that and Stephanie broke out into a cold sweat. What was going on here? Surely Robbie couldn't have cooked this up ... it had to have something to do with those Mages and that book, but what?

"Gentlemen, compose yourselves," interjected another voice and Stephanie looked up to see yet one more familiar face, this one dark and handsome, but with shorter hair now and a much graver expression. "Can't you see Her Highness is in shock?"

Chastened, Ziggy and Stilgar immediately quieted. "Sorry, my Lord," said Ziggy, bowing his head. Stilgar nodded. "My lady, forgive us."

"Pixel?" Stephanie whispered, as his fingers entwined with her own. "Is that you?"

Pixel -- whom she last saw off on his way to study engineering at MIT University in America -- smiled kindly and squeezed her hand. "Who else could it be? Now, let's feel your pulse," he said, gently pinching her wrist. "Hmmm, seems all right, but you were outside all night, so who knows what kind of fever you might have suffered from. Bessie ..."

"Yes, my lord?"

"Keep an eye out for any fevers or unusual sweats and fetch me if there is anything amiss. I'm going to make a tea that should help any symptoms of exposure, but if she grows ill, it would be wise to be ready for that as well."

"That's our Pixel, ever a man of letters and potions," Ziggy exclaimed with a smile, rising and bowing to Stephanie. "Now, off to ride my horse and wave my stick about. Coming, Stilgar, oh King of Fine Maths?"

"Ignore him, my lady. He's hit his head too many times," Stilgar grumbled, but with some affection lurking in his tone. He bowed before leaving with Ziggy, both of them arguing softly the entire way out.

Taking a chance, Stephanie bit her lip and tugged on Pixel's sleeve. "Pixel, listen to me. I think ... I think you and I will need to talk later." She glanced at Bessie, who fussed quietly with the drapes on the other side of the room. "Alone."

For a second, he looked surprised, but something in her face made him only nod in reply. "I'm always at my lady's disposal." He bowed gracefully. "Now if you would sleep ..."

"Yes, sleep," Bessie insisted, hurrying over and pulling the blanket up to Stephanie's neck. "That's what you need. Close your eyes ... shh, shh ... close them," she insisted over Stephanie's weak protests. "There, that's it."

Against all odds, Stephanie began to nod off, exhausted.

When she awoke, the Bessie was gone and the shadows in the room were decidely longer. Hours had passed, and Stephanie blinked through the dusky light, watching as a tall figure came forward from the shadows -- a lithe, beautiful man the sight of whom made her throat clutch, just as it did on the day she left Lazytown, presumably forever.

He sat gingerly at her side and took her hand between his own warm ones, before kissing her fingertips lightly. "Are you better now, love?"

"I'm not sure," she whispered. "Sportacus."

* * *

TBC ... 

Hmm, the plot grows wackier. ;) Reviews are appreciated, thanks to those who've commented so far.


	3. Knowing You

Title: This Real Life - Part 3/?  
Pairing: Sportacus/Stephanie  
Genre: Semi-AU. Romance. Humor. Adventure. WiP  
Rating: Will turn mature, eventually.  
Summary: Ten years after her life in Lazytown, Stephanie thought that college was the only adventure left. But after an Rotten experiment gone bad, she finds out how wrong she could be.

* * *

_It was a rare rainy day in Lazytown. The morning was cold and gray, and not exactly what a young girl might have wanted for her birthday, but Stephanie was seventeen on this day and she could have cared less about the weather._

_There was a party planned at eight p.m, a surprise that her uncle had let out of the bag weeks before, which was wonderfully predictable. She could smell the birthday cake baking as she studiously avoided her uncle's house for the day, spending it instead with a morning run and a cup of coffee, enjoyed while overlooking the new playground, fitted into the Lazytown budget three years before with a generous funding grant from Sportacus._

_She knew he wasn't wealthy by any means, so the gift meant ten times more than if it had come from a rich man. She smiled around her coffee cup, the thought of him warming her more than any drink. _

_Today was going to be the day. The day she'd waited the past two years for, when her feelings had suddenly turned as clear as the crystal he wore on his chest -- the knowledge that she loved him, no longer as a child loved a hero but as a woman loves the man she wants to spend the rest of her life with._

_She wasn't sure how he felt; but surely, she couldn't be in this alone._

_He had to love her -- hadn't he shown her as much with his actions and his affection, every day since the day she arrived. And now that she was grown, she was going to let him know exactly how she felt and bask in the glow of a love that was destined, probably since the day she was born._

_But that wasn't to be -- and Stephanie's birthday would be remembered from then on as an anniversary of pain rather than joy._

* * *

"Are you better now?" Sportacus' voice was the same as it always was, but he only resembled his Lazytown incarnation in a superficial sense -- yes, his handsome face and perfect physique was still the same, as were the color of clothes -- a royal blue -- but there was something regal in him now, Stephanie thought, examining the rich clothing that covered him; the gold signet ring adorning his right hand, its stone a ruby, as red as blood. "Love, please say you are so. You worried me so much when you ran away like that. I never intended for you to get so upset, I should have known better. Forgive me, my precious; only one."

He leaned in to kiss her lips and Stephanie gasped before slightly turning her head, his lips brushing the corner of her mouth instead. _No, I can't do this_, she thought wildly, _not again_.

The last time one of them had kissed the other, those two long years ago, the outcome had nearly killed her.

Sportacus looked taken aback, but nodded resignedly. "I see you are still unhappy with me. That's all right. I plan on winning you back completely, but love, try to remember that I didn't ask for this war."

The war? There was a war going on in this world? All right, now they were getting somewhere and it didn't sound good. "Yes, the war," Stephanie repeated faintly. "Sportacus, please tell me again, what's going on here." She paused. "Please."

"Yes, dearest, we are to go to war. As soon as the spring moon rises, which should be in a few weeks. "Sportacus sighed, running a hand through his hair, which was lighter and longer than she remembered it, in those rare times she saw him bareheaded. It was hard not to stare, as his handsome face hardened suddenly, and he surprised Stephanie with the dark vehemence of his tone. "With an enemy as ancient as the Glannians, it was inevitable we should come to blows and after their latest insult to our borders, the raids on the northern towns, we cannot let them get away with it or they should be overrunning the entire kingdom and then, it should be too late." He hesitated, distracted, as if there was something within himself that was also at war. "So, yes, fighting until one or the other is destroyed is the only answer. I'm sorry, but there is no other way."

Stephanie swallowed hard. This man before her, this man she'd always loved for his dedication to not fighting, suddenly seemed altered in some deep way and it disturbed her, perhaps more than anything else she'd seen. He'd always been an advocate for peace -- had this world changed him that much, or was something else going on here? "The Sportacus I knew would say something different, I think."

His face crumpled. "There is no other way, as much as you might wish for peace. I know you are afraid that you will lose some of us, but that is one of life's risks," he insisted firmly, but his eyes didn't shine with the same conviction as his voice. "We are going to war, as soon as spring arrives and that is my final word on the matter."

For a second Stephanie saw a glimpse of the real person inside and it hit her with clarity -- this i was /i her Sportacus, but something had changed him; something had taken over a fundamental part of him and changed the peacemaker into something he wasn't -- a man ready to fight a war first, ask questions later. "I see," she said. "So nothing I could do or say would change your mind?"

"No, I'm afraid not." Letting her hand drop, he rose, his jaw set. "I will go and let you rest. I'll be very busy for the next few weeks, so perhaps it is better if I disturb you no more during this time. All I ask is that you comport yourself from now on as the lady I married, as a queen whom this court looks up to and sow no more dissent among my advisors, who are already showing doubts I cannot afford them to have."

"So, I should just be quiet and let everyone kill themselves in some war that probably could be settled without fighting," she said, her temper flaring. "I think you know me better than that."

"Do I? Sometimes I wonder if I know you at all," he replied, coldly and Stephanie jerked back, as if she'd been slapped. "Good night, lady. I wish you well."

He was gone before she could reply. She worked to swallow past a huge lump in her throat, her eyes hot with tears. Obviously, even though married in this strange world, maybe things hadn't changed between them all that much. He was the same bullheaded Sportacus, clinging to his unyielding version of how things should be, but while she'd run away in her old "real" life, in this one, she wasn't about to make the same mistake.

With determination, she rose and pulled on a dressing gown Bessie had left slung over the back of a nearby chair. Taking a deep breath, she stepped outside the room, into the cavernous stone halls and treaded lightly, peering in room after room, to another hallway, to yet another set of endless, spectacular rooms, their walls covered with rich tapestries, well-tended fires lit in every hearth.

She was just about to despair and yell out for someone to give her directions, when a bright glow, as if from a lamp, shone up ahead and she followed it into what appeared to be a library. Not a library in the modern sense, but a true church of books, rising in long lines of carved shelves, straight to the ceiling, protected by the only glass she'd seen in outside of the windows, protecting them as priceless objects, as she could only imagine books might be in a world without computers or printing presses.

Someone was at the room's only desk, writing quietly, with an inked feather. Stephanie breathed a sigh of relief, as Pixel's smiling face turned to greet her. "I was wondering how long you'd take to find me," he said, quietly closing the book he was working on. "Especially since I'm quite sure you're not my lady the Queen, nor are you from around here, are you?"

Stephanie startled, but then again, Pixel always had smarts enough to spare. "No, I'm not. And I don't think you belong here either. But I'm not sure ... yet."

He pushed a seat out for her and she took it. "Then you will sit and tell me of your world and then," he smiled grimly. "I'll tell you all about ours. Because it's my belief that you have come here to get us of out of a real mess."

* * *

TBC ...

Thanks to everyone who is reading! Reviews are appreciated, thanks.


	4. Begin

  
Title: This Real Life - Part 4/?  
Pairing: Sportacus/Stephanie  
Genre: Semi-AU. Romance. Humor. Adventure. WiP  
Rating: Will turn mature, eventually.  
Summary: Ten years after her life in Lazytown, Stephanie thought that college was the only adventure left. But after an Rotten experiment gone bad, she finds out how wrong she could be.

0o0o0o

Stephanie winced at Pixel's grim expression, the lines of his mouth hard in the flickering firelight of the library. She knew him well enough to understand that while the Pixel she knew from childhood had a light-hearted side, he also could be deadly serious when the moment called for it and the journey into this world hadn't changed that, nor his innate intelligence, which was as sharp as ever.

She watched as he pulled out a large scroll from one of the myriad drawers and unfurled what looked like an ancient map, painstakingly drawn and coded. "I made this myself," he said. "So please forgive its crudeness. I'm not a natural cartographer." He ran his index finger over the map and stopped at the border between two unfamiliar countries. "This is our land, Latibær, ruled by Sportacus the Tenth. Its borders go from the edges of uninhabitable ice of Lögga to the east, straight to the northern outskirts of the forested wilderness we call Mjói. Our western border is edged by the river Eyrún, where directly across it lies the nation of Glanni, our eternal enemy, or so it is said."

Stephanie frowned. "So it is said? Wouldn't you know an enemy if you had one?"

Pixal laughed darkly. "I'd think you would, but in this case, we have to take the word of rumor and ancient texts for it because to be honest, in all my life, I've never had any concrete proof of their hatred toward us, but, if everyone says so, then we assume it must exist. Or so says my liege and the rest of the court." He looked at her carefully. "Having too many doubts is dangerous, as I think you well know."

"Yes, I think I got the hint," Stephanie said, remembering her rather icy conversation with Sportacus. "Was it always like this, Pixel?" She paused meaningfully. "Since you were a child, I mean. What are your memories like? About Latibær and the Glannians and your own life."

His expression grew troubled, his gaze looking vague and far away. "My memories have bothered me, more and more each day I live and breathe. I have ... dreams."

"Dreams of what?" Stephanie prompted hopefully.

Forcing himself out of his reverie, Pixel shook his head. "I'd rather not say. But it's enough to have made me wonder when you ran from the court that evening at the announcement of war and couldn't be found until daylight, that you too might be disturbed by what is surrounding us. Nothing seems right, that is all I dare to say and now you've returned and much changed, I might add."

"So I was here before," Stephanie said slowly. "Except, you know that wasn't me."

"My lady the queen was never much for asking me for private councils," Pixal laughed. "The minute you did that, I knew you weren't her. Besides, she ... uh ... " He looked down, abashed. "She was always very concerned about the state of her hair."

Automatically, Stephanie reached up to smooth her almost certainly tangled-beyond-recognition locks, then chuckled. "Yeah, I guess that might give it away."

"So who are you?" Pixel asked, curiosity lighting his brown eyes. "Are you her twin? A sorceress of some kind? Where is she now?"

"Neither, I think and I have no idea where she is," Stephanie said. "Although I'm pretty sure I'm not a sorceress and I never had a twin. See, I'm from another world, nothing like this one, except that the people I love -- which is all of you -- have gone from there and ended up here, their memories ... well ... replaced, I guess. I only got here through a book. Jeez, I'm not explaining this very well, am I?" She raised her hands in frustration. "See, this is all so crazy to me. In my world there are no magic books, or at least I never thought there were and then Robbie gave me one..."

"A book. You came here through a book," Pixel repeated carefully. "Do you remember the title of this book?"

"Uh ..." She paused. "You know, I never did find out what it was. But it was full of spells about Mages of The Night who'd grant you a wish, but you had to be careful about how you worded this wish or, well, you see where I ended up. I was trying to bring all of you back to my world, but instead, I landed here."

"Mages of the Night," he breathed. She could see Pixel's quick mind already at work. Suddenly he leaned in closely and said emphatically, "This might be enough to go on, because I have heard of something to do with Mages, but ..." He shook his head. "Never mind. What you need to do, first and foremost, is keep yourself safe. Because if it is discovered that you are not the queen, you will surely be executed as a Glannian spy or worse, some maleficent witch."

A cold chill went down her spine, and Stephanie's mouth dropped open. "You execute people here?"

"Regularly," Pixel replied. He quickly rolled up the map. "So, from this day until I find out more about these Mages, you will be the Queen, just as she was, in all respects and we shall say no more to anyone about this."

"But ... but ... " The world began to spin around Stephanie. "I can't do that, Pixel. I mean, isn't she Sportacus' wife?" A bout of hyperventilation was coming on, but she kept talking. "I mean, I don't know the first thing about being a queen. Or a wife or ... or ... anything!"

Pixel patted her on the shoulder. "If what you say is true and we were dragged into the world without knowledge or consent, perhaps by this imposter herself, then they were married under false pretenses. If he asks for his rights, you can feign illness, if you wish, as far as I know my liege is a fair man and gentle husband, however warlike he can be as king. As far as being a queen goes, that's quite simple -- you demand, we obey. Only your husband outranks you. Not much more thought is required."

"But ... but ..." she protested, but those faded away at the implacable look set on his face.

"This is for your life, lady," Pixel said, his voice low and deadly serious. "Perhaps for all of ours. So I would think carefully before letting it be known that you are but an imposter. Let me discover what I can and together, perhaps we can rescue Latibær from itself."

Stephanie stared at him in shock for some time, but after a few minutes the truth of his words worked their way into her brain. If they were going to get out of here and back to Lazytown, getting herself thrown into the dungeon would be the least effective way to do it. She would have to be Queen, at least in name, until Pixel figured it out from the perspective of someone who understood this world and had the time and access needed. 

Eventually, she nodded and he smiled at her. "It won't be so hard. The life of a Queen is quite pleasant from what I've seen." Suddenly shy, he said to her, "Tell me one more thing. Do I exist in this world of yours?"

"Yes," she nodded. "You do. Or, at least, you did."

"What am I there?" he asked curiously. "To the world. To you?"

She smiled, in spite of it all. "You are a genius and one of the best friends I've ever had."

And the light in his eyes at that statement, almost made up for everything else.

0o0o0o

It took a very long time for Stephanie to bathe and dress for court, but she found there was little for her to do except accept the efficient ministrations of Bessie and Trixie, as they helped her wash, dress and fix her hair. It was a complex affair and Stephanie was glad she didn't have to pay much attention to what they were doing, as distracted as she was by Pixel's plan ... and warnings.

She would have to play this part, at least for the moment. All their lives, including her own, depended on it.

She wouldn't have bothered thinking of looking in the mirror, except that Trixie insisted she examine herself to make sure all was to her liking. 

What she saw astonished her.

A floor-length gown of burgundy velvet, studded with pearls around the sleeves, edges and bosom swept around her in waves of refined perfection. There were a thick string of pearls around her throat, lying demurely against her skin, as pinned in her ears were more tiny pearls, set in gold.

Her crown was a delicate thing, diamonds accented with yet more pearls and placed artfully in her upswept hair. Trixie fussed over it, like a nervous bird. "Is my lady sure she won't try the garnet crown instead? This one is so ... simple."

"Simple is good," Stephanie replied faintly. "Simple is ..."

"Tasteful," Bessie interjected quickly and Trixie quickly nodded in agreement. "As always, you have the finest taste, my lady. Now, for your wedding ring." She held up a box containing a huge ruby ring, the color of spilled blood, surrounded by diamonds. "Put it on, my dear."

Stephanie hesitated, but slowly, she took the ring from its box and slid it onto the trembling third finger of her left hand. 

It fit perfectly.

"There, now you are ready," Bessie proclaimed, motioning for Trixie to move aside. "Tell the guards and my lords in the hall to make way for her majesty the Queen."

Trixie ran from the room to do as she was told, as Bessie ushered Stephanie to the door. "Don't be afraid tonight. Everyone is very happy to have you returned to us, safe and sound."

"Thank you," Stephanie replied hoarsely, walking into the hall and barely feeling her legs beneath her. With every step, she walked closer to the Great Hall, she tried to hold herself as highly as possible, even though in her heart, she was still the nineteen-year-old college student who'd done nothing more than run away from a life that had let her down, and badly. 

But all that seemed far away and long ago as she entered the hall and an entire room of people, as finely dressed as she was, stopped in their conversations and turned toward her, in silent admiration. She forced her gaze forward to the dais where Sportacus and an empty throne awaited and kept on walking, her heart pounding in her throat, as to every side, men bent double and women sank gracefully to the floor, their skirts held in their hands. 

To her surprise, she made it without falling and gripped the armrests of the throne with numb fingers as she sat. Sportacus bent toward her and whispered, "Good work, my lady."

"Thank you," she whispered back, staring straight ahead, hardly daring to look at this man ... Sportacus ... now her husband. 

It was all to unreal, but at the same time horribly true and the crowd seemed to be waiting expectantly and what was it she was supposed to say again to denote the start of the evening, according to Pixel?

Oh, yes, she remembered. Clearing her throat, Stephanie straightened her back and addressed the court. Her court, as Stephanie of Latibær, Queen and Consort to Sportacus the Tenth. 

"Begin," she ordered, and so it was done.

o0o0o

TBC ...

And so the ride really begins:D Reviews are appreciated, thanks to all those who read and comment. You're wonderful!


	5. My Kingdom For

Title: This Real Life - Part 5/?  
Pairing: Sportacus/Stephanie  
Genre: Semi-AU. Romance. Humor. Adventure. WiP  
Rating: Will turn mature, eventually.  
Summary: Ten years after her life in Lazytown, Stephanie thought that college was the only adventure left. But after an Rotten experiment gone bad, she finds out how wrong she could be.

* * *

The Great Hall hummed with conversation, the air warm with torchlight and the smell of spiced wine. Stephanie sipped at her goblet, while beside her Sportacus spoke happily with Sigmund and Stilgar, his left hand protectively covering hers, his ruby ring shining in the hall's shivering light.

The night progressed and the room shimmered with heat and the glitter of fine clothing. Stephanie plucked at the sleeves of her dress, which felt tight and overly hot.

Sportacus leaned in and kissed her cheek. "Are you all right, love? It's very warm in here, I know."

"Yes," Stephanie nodded, with a nervous glance away. "A little too warm."

"I'll have the windows opened in our bed chamber beforehand, to cool it," he said kindly.

Another kiss to her cheek, this one hinting at a promise and Stephanie rose to her feet, somewhat unsteadily. "What dance is this?" she asked, blindly motioning at the dancers leaping across the floor, to music that sounded both beautiful and primitive.

"The _estampie_, of course," Sportacus laughed. "Your favorite, as if you didn't know."

"Oh, yes." Stephanie gulped. She would have to watch her questions a little more carefully in the future, but Sportacus didn't seem to care, so glad was he to have her back. Or, have _her _back, that is ... the woman he married, the one who looked like her and something inside of Stephanie's heart broke, just a little bit. "I think I'll join in," she said, not sure what she was doing, but luckily dance was something she excelled at and it wouldn't be too hard to impersonate the people on the floor.

Sportacus seemed delighted at the suggestion. "Wonderful." He rose and threw off his ermine-trimmed robe. He held out his hand to Stephanie. "Let's dance."

The floor cleared as the King and Queen made their way to the center. The musicians stopped, waiting for Sportacus. With a sly grin, he kissed her hand and nodded to the musicians, who broke into a _carole_, an ancient round dance Stephanie had studied years before, as an amusement.

The dance started slowly and Stephanie found herself getting lost in Sportacus' eyes as they slowly moved in a sensuous circle, right hand joined with left. The crowd murmured their approval, as the tempo slowly sped up, and Sportacus laughed as they began to dizzily whirl, making Stephanie laugh breathlessly with him, dancing together, just as they used to -- in a different world, so very long ago.

It was easy to get lost in the moment, easy to get lost in his beautiful eyes and once the dance was over, Stephanie found herself embracing him, held tightly in his arms, as if the time and years that had separated them had never happened. "I'm so glad you've returned to me," Sportacus whispered in her ear and it was ironic how appropriate his words were.

"I'm glad to be back," Stephanie replied hoarsely, closing her eyes against his broad chest, listening to the comforting thud of his heart.

Sportacus led her back to their thrones, where a smiling Ziggy and Stilgar waited for them. "I always wished I could dance like that," Ziggy exclaimed. He gleefully accepted a piece of fruit offered by one of the servers and continued to talk between huge bites. "I tried once, remember, Stilgar? You were showing me the _bassadanza_ and remember what happened? How I fell down and dragged you with me? Right into that fountain! Remember?"

"It's rather hard to forget," Stilgar replied dryly. He grimaced at Ziggy who was still chowing down with gusto. "Will you take human bites?"

Ziggy ignored him, gleefully describing his and Stingy's misadventures in dance, while Sportacus laughed uproariously. Stephanie couldn't help but giggle as well, so much like old times it felt. Trixie materialized from the crowd and sat at Stephanie's feet, laughing along with all of them, her lively face glowing.

Nothing seemed amiss all seemed well in the world, until Stephanie looked up and saw Pixel's nervous expression from across the hall. It was only a glance, lasting only a second, but it was enough to remind Stephanie where she was and how much was depending on her.

Sportacus immediately noticed her change of mood. "You look tired. I think it's time we ended this evening." He rose, clapping his hands sharply. "My friends, this night's festivities have ended. Thank you for joining us in our joy, to have our lady back with us once more."

The crowd cheered and at Sportacus' urging, Stephanie rose and nodded. "Thank you," she said softly, not sure if she should say anything more, but it seemed to be enough, as the hall's residents made way for her and Sportacus to leave, arm-in-arm. Ziggy, Stilgar and Trixie formally followed them out and the great oak doors closed behind them, the noise and the heat left behind, much to Stephanie's relief.

"If my lady would excuse me for a few minutes, as I have a few words for my lords," Sportacus smiled at Stephanie, then nodded silently at Ziggy and Stilgar, who hung back, waiting for him.

Trixie took her hand. "Come, let's get you ready for bed."

Stephanie gulped. "Oh, yes, bed." She followed Trixie meekly down the hallway, her cheeks turning hot. She glanced back at Sportacus who was deep in serious conversation with both his knights, as beside her Trixie gaily recounted the evening's festivities, laughing at the poor dancers, sprinkling in bits of juicy gossip about people Stephanie didn't know.

She helped Stephanie undress, combing out her hair with a practiced hand. "Which nightgown would you like this evening, my lady," Trixie asked slyly. "Or would you rather do without?"

Stephanie startled at Trixie's question. "Oh, no. A nightgown, please," she said quickly, turning bright red at Trixie's snickers.

"Certainly," Trixie replied, helping Stephanie tug on a thin cotton gown, both low-cut and short, decorated with gold and red trim. Stepping back, Trixie looked at her appraisingly. "It's almost better than nothing, if you ask me. What's a show without a curtain?"

"Trixie!" Stephanie gasped, torn between laughter and horror.

"Enjoy your evening, my lady," Trixie replied devilishly, with a quick curtsy and a giggle as she closed the door behind her.

Heart pounding, Stephanie slipped underneath the heavy comforter, decorating what must have been the largest bed she'd ever seen. It made her feel tiny and she lay back, the covers pulled up to her chin, unable to stop staring at the door. _If he asks to make love to me, how am I going to say no to him_, she thought, shrinking beneath the blanket. _Are wives allowed to say no? Will I be able say no?_

Then the memory that he had married someone else hit her and hit her hard. A look-a-like, yes, but nothing similar in personality, which made Stephanie wonder if she had been a different person on the inside, would he have turned down her offer of love all those years ago in Lazytown? The memory still made her wince every time she allowed it to occupy her mind, filling her with emotion -- part anger, part devastation that simply refused to go away.

_Wasn't I good enough? Wasn't my love good enough? Strong enough?_

Throat tight, Stephanie closed her eyes, thinking that maybe if she was asleep when he came in ...

The corner of the bed tipped down. She opened her eyes to Sportacus, bending over her, his face so close and expression so tender, it took all the strength she had not to wind her arms around his neck and pull him down into an endless kiss.

He gently touched her cheek with his fingertips, tracing her jaw and lips. "You were so beautiful tonight, so perfect. It was as if my Stephanie had truly come back to me."

Such a strange statement and she had to steel herself against falling under the spell of his eyes. He leaned down to kiss her, but she turned her head before their lips touched, the pulse in her throat racing. "I'm ... I'm a little tired tonight. I'm sorry, but ..."

He blinked, but immediately backed away. "Of course you are. Forgive me for presuming. Perhaps another night."

She nodded, not trusting her voice. He rose and undressed and she couldn't help but watch him remove his clothes, his sculpted body more perfect than she remembered from dreams, which were many. He slipped under the covers next to her and she knew the minute his arm went around her waist, spooned up against her back, that sleep would be impossible, so she did nothing except lie still and listen to his quiet breathing and try to stop the mad racing of her heart.

And she knew right there and then that keeping him at arm's length would be the hardest thing she would ever have to do.

* * *

Robbie wasn't sure where he'd landed, except that it was an exceptionally long distance to the ground and he felt around his body, wincing, wondering how many of his very precious, tender bones had been smashed to bits.

To his surprise, and not a little delight, he discovered that he was perfectly well and he rose with a pleased expression, saying to no one, "I meant to do that."

It had been a wild guess he'd taken, an experiment in world traveling, trying to fix things where that silly girl had failed (his own original failure not mattering in the slightest) and while the experimental machine was not as smooth a ride as his costume changing device, it seemed to work pretty well.

Except for that fact that he had no idea where he was.

He squinted through the evening moonlight, noticing that he was in a field. A very grassy sort of field, not far from a tall castle and ...

Doing a quick double-take, Robbie goggled at the castle. Whoa. That's a pretty amazing building there and he wondered if the moat was full of alligators, because if he were a king with a castle like that ...

"It's His Majesty!" someone yelled through the gloom and suddenly, Robbie Rotten was surrounded by big men on horses, waving sticks and he screamed in fear, until, one by one, they leapt from their horses and knelt before him, heads bowed.

"Uh ..." Robbie started, but was interrupted by one of the knights, who looked exceedingly happy.

"How glad we are to see Your Majesty again. We had great fears that we would see you no more and what a tragedy that would be," the knight gushed, his eyes bright.

Robbie blinked at him, the castle suddenly looking even nicer in the moonlight. Already, things were taking a turn for the better. "I'm the king? With a kingdom?"

"Yes," the knight nodded. "And surely, your kingdom of Glanni would not be the same without you."

* * *

TBC ...

As always reviews are welcome. If you are enjoying, feel free to tell me!


	6. His Unlikeliness

Title: This Real Life - Part 6/?

Pairing: Sportacus/Stephanie

Genre: Semi-AU. Romance. Humor. Adventure. WiP

Rating: Will turn mature, eventually.

Summary: Ten years after her life in Lazytown, Stephanie thought that college was the only adventure left. But after an Rotten experiment gone bad, she finds out how wrong she could be.

0o0o0o

Exhausted after a sleepless night spent in Sportacus' arms, Stephanie yawned as Trixie helped her dress the next morning, this time in much looser fitting clothing than the night before. She glanced in askance at her friend who smiled and said, "It's riding day today, as if you'd forgotten."

Forgotten, no, but could one really forget something they'd never known? Stephanie just nodded sleepily and let Trixie lead her, straight outdoors and to the stables some distance away from the castle, where dozens of horses were housed, stamping and snorting with vigor in the cool morning air.

Stephanie wasn't sure what to do -- she'd only ridden once or twice -- but there was little need to know anything as a half dozen grooms ran forward and saddled the mounts, respectfully helping Stephanie onto a snow white horse, decorated with what was obviously royal standards.

She landed in the saddle with an "ooomph" and grasped the reins just in time, lest she fall off. "Whoa," Stephanie gulped, as the horse began to stamp impatiently beneath her. "Whoa."

Trixie grinned at Stephanie's confusion. Without assistance, she leapt onto her own horse, a coal black beauty with fire in its eyes -- a perfect compliment to Trixie herself. "Race ya," she challenged and Stephanie looked on in horror as Trixie took off toward the endless green fields at a lightning gallop.

"Oh boy," Stephanie breathed to herself, but determined, she straightened up and kicked her horse's sides hard while holding on for dear life.

The horse took off like she thought it might, with furious intent and it was a fine horse, as fast as the wind. Soon she was galloping beside Trixie who was laughing aloud, her dark hair flying in the wind, looking more now like Stephanie's friend of old; carefree, wild and the servant of no one.

It was like flying and soon Stephanie began to enjoy her ride, laughing along with Trixie, until they began to slow, a winding river coming up and blocking their path. Blowing out hard, Trixie pulled her horse to a stop, her features falling, just a little. "And this is where it ends, again," she said, so sorrowfully, Stephanie couldn't help but look at her curiously, as she reined her horse in beside Trixie.

"Are you talking about the ride or something else?" Stephanie asked, as their foam-speckled horses breathed hard beneath them.

Trixie bit her lip nervously and glanced at her. "I'm not sure what you mean, my lady."

"Trixie, you and I have been friends a long time," Stephanie said carefully. "So please, tell me what's on your mind." She paused. "Does something not feel right to you? You can confide in me, I promise."

Trixie hung her head, turning her eyes away. "Sometimes," she whispered. "Sometimes ... I feel as though I don't belong here. I don't understand, because, there could be no better place than with you and my lord Sportacus and Stilgar and Zig ..." She raised her head and smiled waterily at Stephanie, her mouth trembling. "You'll think it's strange, but often ... I have this urge to call Sir Zigmund, well, Ziggy." Trixie shook her head, hard. "But these fancies are just that ... fancies. Maybe it's just the upcoming war that has me so worried with such silliness." With a shaking hand, she wiped her eyes. "Either way, my lady should not worry herself with my nonsense. There is much to be done, today even."

"What's to be done today?" Stephanie asked, and her answer was Trixie taking off toward the west, at top speed, without a word.

Stephanie followed her as best she could, gasping for breath when they finally came to a stop at what looked like a tennis court, except it was longer, much longer, with a wooden barrier running down the middle of its entire length. Stephanie watched in wonder, then in fear as two riders approached from each end, heading toward one another at full gallop, both of them holding what looked like the world's longest spear - both appearing intent on skewering the other, no matter the cost.

It was thrilling, as well as terrible, and Stephanie couldn't help but squeeze shut her eyes at the last, earth-shattering second, as the two met with a horrible crash. When she dared to peek, she saw Zigmund standing over his conquered foe, helmet off, holding out his hand to the knight that lie on the ground, unhorsed, obviously by force.

"How fine a knight he's grown," Trixie whispered with admiration, as Ziggy patted his defeated rival on the back with smile. "Who would have thought it?"

"I wouldn't have," Stephanie admitted, swallowing hard. Little Ziggy, the brunt of so many jokes, was a great warrior in this world, as astonishing as that was. How strange that the threat of war brought out the worst in some ... and the best in others.

Shiny with perspiration and smiling broadly, Zigmund strode over to Stephanie and Trixie, executing an elaborate bow. "My ladies," he saluted respectfully. "Forgive me for not greeting you sooner."

Trixie laughed gaily. "Yes, next time you must fly off your horse first, greet us, then upseat your opponent. Don't forget now."

From behind them a familiar voice sounded. "Yes, don't forget now," Stilgar said, frowning. "Honestly, Zigmund, must you practice so much? Anyone would think you're aching to break your neck or some other necessary part of your anatomy."

"Fear not, dearest friend, I plan on being whole for the upcoming days," Zigmund replied. He leaned in toward his companions. "I suppose you've already heard the news ..."

Stephanie shook her head. "No, what news?"

"It appears that our old friend of Glanni has been discovered again, alive and well."

Trixie gaped at him, dumbfounded. "They found the king? After accusing us of taking him? Why of all ..."

Zigmund shrugged. "It matters not what we've been accused of, nothing has changed. He's as great a fool as any over there, possibly greater." He grinned widely. "Perhaps if I get lucky, my sword will claim his head in battle."

Stephanie swallowed harshly. Hearing Ziggy talk like that made her stomach churn uncomfortably. "Was he all right?" she asked when there was a pause in the conversation.

"As right as he'll ever be." Zigmund's eyes darkened, as he allowed a little groom to remove his elaborate armour, piece by piece. "Indeed, long live King Rotten the First."

Trixie and Stilgar laughed uproariously. "That's a good one," Stilgar exclaimed. "Robert to Rotten ..."

Stephanie's eyes widened hugely. _King Robert Rotten of Glanni ... _ Oh, no. Just ... oh, no.

She clutched aimlessly at the reins while her friends continued to laugh and mock and swear to take the life of one King Robbie Rotten, by sword, lance or whatever means necessary.

0o0o0o0o

Robbie couldn't remember a time when life seemed better.

Here he was, placed upon the cushiest royal throne imaginable, being hand-fed cake, cookies, sweet drinks and anything else he could lazily snap his fingers for. Everyone was _finally _showing him the proper respect, bowing and scraping and admiring ... it was like a dream come true.

It was simply delightful, all these people at his beck and call and when a group of advisors came in to kneel at his feet, Robbie felt generous enough to acknowledge them with a languid wave of his hand.

"Yes, what is it?" he breathed, before opening his mouth to let a servant drop in yet another mouthful of delicious cake.

One the advisors, a hawk-eyed man whose name Robbie couldn't bother remembering replied. "My Lord, the plans to wage war upon the foul creatures of Latibær come anon. We shall be ready to start implementation within the next few days."

Robbie shrugged. Boy, was that cake _delicious_. "Whatever. Now, where is my milkshake?"

The advisor raised an eyebrow, but continued. "You, of course, as our beloved monarch, will ride at the front of the army and meet our enemies head on, to wreck your royal revenge."

Maybe it was the word "army". Or the words "ride" and "front", but Robbie suddenly sat up, cake spluttering from his mouth. "What?!"

"If our glorious Majesty is fortunate, perhaps he will take the life of that foul pretender to the Latibær throne ... Sportacus," the advisor continued enthusiastically. "What a happy day that will be, surely."

Robbie looked at him in horror. "I'm supposed to be riding somewhere? And killing ... what? Who? Where? Why?"

The advisor stared at him narrowly. "Surely, your Majesty, you remember the grave affronts this king of Latibær gave to you and your people, affronts that cannot be resolved in any other way but by vengeance of the harshest sort, through blood, fire and trial."

"Um ... " Robbie winced, suddenly not very hungry anymore. He smiled weakly. "Are you sure? Because I'll forget about it if you will."

The advisors glanced at each other, before turning as one to glare at Robbie. "Is your Majesty saying that he no longer wishes to lead his people? For there are others who might like the chance to rule ..."

Those were _nasty_ looks, Robbie had to admit and he quickly shook his head. "Haha, no, no. Of course not. Um, you go on ahead and do your planning for, uh, the killing and the fighting and such, and I'll be here ..." He paused, feeling nauseous. "Eating. And, uh, thinking. Yes, thinking about how to, you know, kill Sportakook."

This was ridiculous; he may not have liked Sportacus, but killing was a little overboard. Mostly.

The faces of the advisors visibly relaxed. "Sportakook," one of the laughed. "That's a good one your Highness. Very good!"

Robbie laughed weakly along with them. "Ah, yes," he said, waving as they left, all the while wondering how the heck he'd be able to get out of this one.

It wasn't going to be easy.

0o0o0o0o

It was high noon and Stephanie wandered into the dining hall, surprised to see the long table already set for lunch and Sportacus sitting quietly at the far end, poking at his soup and bread without interest.

She felt a wave of shyness overtake her, but shaking it off, she ignored her own place setting at the table's opposite end and sat down in the seat nearest to Sportacus.

He smiled wanly at her. "Thank you for joining me, but your food will get cold," he said, nodding toward her lunch, sitting untouched at the table's far end.

"I'm not hungry," she admitted truthfully. Reaching out, she took his hand, wondering at the sudden softening of his features. "I suppose you heard the news, about ... King Robert." After riding back to the palace with Trixie, she'd quickly consulted with Pixel, discovering that the Glannian king's disappearance had coincided with "her" own and Stephanie knew the two events were somehow related, especially when it turned out to be Robbie. But which Robbie this was, she could only guess.

Sportacus grimaced, his temper firing hotly. "Damn him. Damn him to hell. I didn't ask for this war, my dear. Surely, you must understand that."

"I guess, but ..." Stephanie paused. "Are you sure there's absolutely i no /i way to stop it?"

Sportacus drew his hand away abruptly, making her wince. "I don't understand you sometimes. There are times when I'm sure, so very sure that you and I are ... " He hesitated. "Perfectly aligned ... in both body and thought and then, then you confuse me, like this. Stephanie, why can't we be of one mind? Why?"

Stephanie swallowed past the lump in her throat. "Maybe that's because love doesn't work like that," she said softly. "Maybe it takes two wholes to make one life together, not two halves. All I know is that I'm not sure war is the answer."

Sportacus rose to his full height, looking very much like a cold king, instead of the man she'd loved all these years. "It is the only answer. I'm sorry we cannot see eye to eye on this subject." His voice cracked. "So very sorry."

He stalked away, leaving Stephanie to sit at the long, lonely table, frustrated and sad. Finally, she clenched her fists with determination. She was going to get to the bottom of this insanity, once and for all.

Even if she had to go to the unlikliest person of all to do it.

o0o0o0o

tbc ...

Sorry for the delay. RL stuff in the way. Reviews are welcome.


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